Rhythm Heaven Advance

This is not a review I was hoping to write yet. I genuinely planned on playing through the entirety of Rhythm Heaven Advance when I started it. I was even prepared to struggle. However, I did expect to get good enough at the game that it wouldn't be a battle. Unfortunately, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I am one of those rhythm-less white guys who can't manage to clap a beat if his life depended on it. I only made it as far as I did in this game (not far) thanks mostly to memorization, and I was not having any fun. I desperately want to like Rhythm Heaven, but I just don't think I'm the right audience.
 
Simply put, Rhythm Heaven Advance is a collection of mini-games that ask you to hit specific buttons in a rhythm that you can both hear and see. You'll kick flying garbage as a martial artist, march toy soldiers to the order of their commanding officer, pluck hair off of stubbly vegetables, and more. I only saw five of these mini games before I decided it was time for me to pack it up, but there are many more for the more musically inclined.
 
I think the game expects you to be able to anticipate your next move based on how the song is going, but I was having an embarrassing amount of trouble with that. Even when I did successfully anticipate something, I would often still be too early or late. Granted, you don't need to do super well to advance in the game, but you will be shamed if you barely meet the requirements, and I couldn't stand for that. In every mini-game before the toy soldiers, I would play on repeat until I practically memorized the moves and saw the "good" endings.
 
It was those darn toy soldiers ended me, though. Just to get the minimum passing grade, I had to play that stage as many times as I played any of the previous ones to earn their good endings. I tried to keep playing after that, but I was undeniably burnt out, and I play games to have fun, so I couldn't justify spending even more time on it. I can see how people can have fun with the Rhythm Heaven series, and maybe I'll like some of the later games more, but the GBA entry was just not my jam.
Although the game is no longer being distributed, you can learn more about it here (as of 11/10/25): https://rhwiki.net/wiki/Rhythm_Heaven_Advance

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